I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
