puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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