I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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