just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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