my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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