At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
