i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
