I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
