found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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