That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
