thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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