Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
