I wanna passion pit in your ass
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
