come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
