Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can't motorboat a personality
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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