textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
