I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
