Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
