So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
