Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
tell me about the eggs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
