I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
