apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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