He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
