Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
