I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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