I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
