if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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