Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
