How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
