So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
