I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
