drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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