Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
high people should be assigned attendants
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
