I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
