I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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