I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
