there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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