No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
