I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
