I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
