You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize