I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
