so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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