did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
