Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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