the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's the barista slut.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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