After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
