Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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