I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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