I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize