IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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