I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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