we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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