Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
