Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
