Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
