im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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