forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
