He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
