I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
