So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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