If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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