Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
