i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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