Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If its not for food we ain't going out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
